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Commitment Over Feeling Can Save, Enhance Marriage

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Profound changes in the institution of matrimony go far beyond the push for same-sex marriage.  After many years as a clinical psychologist, Dr. Diane Medved notes a shift in marital priorities from commitment to feelings. ”Do your duty” has been replaced with “follow your heart.”

In response, my wife has written an explosive new book: DON’T DIVORCE: POWERFUL ARGUMENTS FOR SAVING AND REVITALIZING YOUR MARRIAGE. She argues that traditional pressure to maintain marriage for the sake of children and community has given way to a new cultural norm to jettison relationships at the first hint of trouble.

Saving a family doesn’t mean accepting unhappiness, but it does require determined effort to improve spousal connections. Diane urges every couple to act as if they were a happy, loving pair, enabling behavior to change feelings rather than waiting for feelings to change behavior. She writes that not all marriages can be perfect, but any marriage can be better.

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  1. Madelyn Sies-Quint  •  Mar 10, 2017 at 4:37 pm

    Mrs Medved;
    I do agree with you. I would love to read your book
    My husband and I have only been married 2 years. Things are not as they seemed to be when we dated. I have been alarmingly surprised at the change in my husband since our marriage and have thought so many times of calling it quit. I have been married before and never wanted to get married again however when I met my husband he led me to believe he was different and in time I grew to believe him. I would like to start seeing a marriage counselor. I feel that if this marriage has a chance art all it would have to be through one. Would you know or can you suggest a good and reputable way of going about finding one? I would be ever so grateful. thank you, Madelyn Sies- Quint

  2. Stephanie Hart  •  Mar 10, 2017 at 9:37 pm

    I agree, it is always better to save a marriage if possible. Sometimes your own feelings need to be put aside for awhile to let things begin to turn around. You can change yourself for a time just to begin to change the marriage. Then the other person may see changes on their part need to change too. It can't be forced but it can change gradually.

  3. Robert Goidel  •  Mar 10, 2017 at 10:37 pm

    I was married for 18 years. Things got very bad with my wife at that time with her family of sisters. She had a temper, yes, but her temper got very hostile to the point of verbal assaults, then, physical assaults. It got so bad that she did a total of physical assaults of which she was incarcerated 3 times. I had to escape, I had no choice. Divorce litigation took 12 months of misery. No children but I was badly damaged.

  4. Betsy Arehart  •  Mar 11, 2017 at 4:49 pm

    I just forwarded this to my estranged husband (5 years separated) with the note "I bet a lot of people who read this are going to think "well, this doesn't apply to OUR marriage.""

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