If a conservative doesn't like guns, he doesn’t buy one.

If a liberal doesn't like guns, he wants all guns outlawed. 

If a conservative is a vegetarian, he doesn’t eat meat.

If a liberal is a vegetarian, he wants all meat products banned for everyone. 

If a conservative is homosexual, he quietly leads his life.

If a liberal is homosexual, he demands legislated respect. 

If a conservative is down-and-out,  he thinks about how to better his situation.

A liberal wonders who is going to take care of him. 

If a conservative doesn't like a talk show host, he switches channels.

Liberals demand that those they don't like be shut down. 

If a conservative is a non-believer, he doesn't go to church.

A liberal non-believer wants any mention of God and religion silenced. (Unless it's a foreign religion, of course!) 

If a conservative decides he needs health care, he goes about shopping for it, or may choose a job that provides it.

A liberal demands that the rest of us pay for his. 

If a conservative reads this, he'll forward it so his friends can have a good laugh.

A liberal will delete it because he's "offended". 

Well, I forwarded it.