GOLDEN TURKEY AWARDS

 

August 30, 2010
Iran government issues style guide for men's hair

In an attempt to rid the country of "decadent Western cuts", Iran's culture ministry has produced a catalogue of haircuts that meet government approval. The list of banned styles includes ponytails, mullets and elaborate spikes. "The proposed styles are inspired by Iranians' complexion, culture and religion, and Islamic law," said Jaleh Khodayar,"We are happy that the Islamic republic of Iran's government has backed us in designing these hairstyles."
August 30, 2010
A fatwa against pets? Not a good time to be a vet in Tehran.

It seems that pet-keeping as a hobby is too decadent to be allowed in today’s Iran. 
August 24, 2010
A Concert Jumper Conspiracy?
Two people die and one is left injured this week after jumping from great heights at three different concerts:

1-Singer Dies After Jump at Belgian Pop Festival

2-Man jumps to death onto stage at Calif concert
3-Phish fan survives 25-foot leap

July 30, 2010

Mahmoud Ahmadinejad attacks Octopus Paul
The Iranian leader says Paul the Octopus, the sea creature that correctly predicted the outcome of World Cup games, is a symbol of all that is wrong with the western world: "Those who believe in this type of thing cannot be the leaders of the global nations that aspire, like Iran, to human perfection."

July 30, 2010


Is Tokyo's Oldest Man Actually a Mummy?
His family says he remained cloistered in his room after declaring some 30 years ago that he wanted to be a living Buddha. Police are questioning his family members about the circumstances of his death,  while investigating whether they have attempted to fraudulently receive roughly 9.5 million yen that was paid to Kato as a survivor pension after his wife, a former teacher, died six years ago at age 101.

July 28, 2010


Paris Hilton denies pulling 'Nazi pose: ''It's not a Hitler salute! I was dancing and scratching my face'

This comes a day after she reportedly spend $350,000 on champagne which she used to throw over everybody at a party at the Moorea Beach club.Paris and friends have been on their party tour since the end of June.

July 28, 2010

At a campaign event over the weekend in Inglewood, California, Democratic Sen. Barbara Boxer seemingly equated being a politician to serving in the military:

“You know when you’ve gone through similar things you need to share it. I don’t care whether you are a policeman or a fireman or a veteran or by chance a member of Congress... We know what we are up against. And it is hard for people who are not there to understand the pressure and the great things that go along with it and the tough things that go along with it.”

July 28, 2010


Man claims mom put feces on toothbrush
Investigators say Deborah Woist decided to tidy up a bathroom inside her Springtown Hill Road because it hadn't been cleaned in two months. The problem, police said, is that she used her son's toothbrush for the job and later returned it to its holder.

Who really deserves the GTA on this one? The mother who soiled her sons toothbrush or the 26-year-old who is still living at home and expecting his mom to clean his bathroom?

July 26, 2010


Police nab bandit who used underwear as mask
An unemployed woman who said she was desperate for money has been arrested on charges she robbed an Oklahoma McDonald's with a pair of spanx wrapped around her face as a makeshift mask. Lain told investigators she needed money and suffered from a gambling problem

July 26, 2010


"Darth Vader" strikes NY bank
The Force was with a man when he robbed a bank wearing a Darth Vader mask and a cape. Armed with a gun instead of a light saber, the man entered a Chase bank branch in Setauket, New York, about 50 miles east of New York City, on Thursday and demanded cash from a teller

July 26, 2010


New York police arrested a man on Wednesday accused of robbing two banks -- with a bunch of flowers and a potted plant.
"The flowers were 'Thank yous' to people who were giving me something that didn't belong to them, and didn't belong to me either," Pemberton explained

July 26, 2010


Homeless man breaks into abandoned bar, begins selling alcohol

"When Detective Hudson arrived at the Valencia Club it was open for business with customers bellied up to the bar. Upon questioning Kevie, Detective Hudson determined that he had no connection to the property and he did not have a liquor license." Kevie allegedly started with a six-pack of beer and used money he received to buy more alcohol.
July 21, 2010

Mel Gibson Seeking Solace From ... Britney Spears?

"Mel has been talking to her a lot," In Touch quoted a friend of Spears as saying. "They speak on the phone all the time, usually late at night."

July 21, 2010

Monkey Gets Loose, Terrorizes Hamilton County Residents

A Hamilton County family barricaded themselves in their home Wednesday morning, but they weren't hiding from criminals, they were hiding from their pet monkey... Bobbi says neither she nor anyone else gets in the cage with monkey now that he's past puberty because he knows how to attack the jugular: "We're talking seconds that he can do that," Bobbi said. "It's fatal."

AND YET....

"He is part of the family. In fact, when people ask if I own a monkey, no, I don't own a monkey, because he's my SON. We have a monkey, but I'm not taking it lightly."
July 21, 2010


Johnstown Man Accused Of Tattooing Children

Police said a mother reported last month that her daughter got a tattoo without permission and she was concerned the teen may have contracted an illness from the needles used.
July 20, 2010





Parasailing donkey stunt sparks police inquiry
The donkey was sent up into the sky last week by entrepreneurs hoping to attract people to their private beach.
July 20, 2010

Man Arrested With 18 Tiny Monkeys Stuffed in Pants
Before going through airport security, he took them out of his suitcase and put them in his girdle "so the X-rays wouldn't hurt them"... by the time he was discovered, two of the monkeys were dead.

July 19, 2010

Rep. Sheila Jackson Lee: "Today We Have Two Vietnams, Side By Side"


Glad to see that Congresswoman Jackson Lee can certify that South Vietnam continues to enjoy its liberty and independence. Do you even think she can find Saigon on a map? (Hint: it no longer exists).


July 19, 2010

Love of beer can produce tragic consequences:
Ed Troyer with the Pierce County Sheriff's Office tells KOMO that Hunter was on the shore with some other people tossing cans of beer into a raft. Hunter was heading into the water to recover some cans that missed the raft when she slipped. She was not wearing a life jacket.
July 14, 2010



New Environmental Initiative to Deal With Looming Global Crisis:
Trying to Stop Cattle Burps From Heating Up Planet

July 12, 2010

This Golden Turkey Award goes to supermarket tabloid The Globe and World Nut Daily (which quotes The Globe approvingly). These two august publications both suggest that a photo of a 26 year old Barack Obama visiting his father's family in Kenya proves he is an illegal alien:


This new edition also prominently displays what it calls "a damning photo of Obama in Kenya with relatives."

"Snapped in 1987," the magazine says, "some people believe it offers more proof that the president was born in his father's African homeland."

"This is the picture that will haunt Obama," the Globe's insider predicts. "There is no escaping the claims he was born in Kenya. His family lives there. He visits there. There is no birth certificate. It's a big problem."












So every American who visits relatives overseas and poses for a photo with them couldn't possibly be native born?

July 8, 2010:

The top three priorities on Mayor Mike McGinn's "Ideas for Seattle" website:
    1) Legalize Marijuana
    2) Expand Light Rail
    3) Establish a nude beach in Seattle

July 8, 2010

Ex-Detroit schools official faces obscenity charge

Below is a verbatim excerpt from an email sent out by the departed Detroit School Board president, Otis Mathis, who left office after charges that he repeatedly "groped himself" during a private meetings with the (female) superintendent of education:

"Do DPS control the Foundation or outside group? If an outside group control the foundation, then what is DPS board row with selection of is director? Our we mixing DPS and None DPS row's, and who is the watch dog?"






This guy was in charge of teaching basic skills to children?!

June 29, 2010

Western Slope Woman Blames Vampire for Car Crash
The vampire, which was not seen by anyone else, apparently let her get away...